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The work we have to do together is to be ourselves. This is what my local community of practice realized this fall, when we took some time to settle into the purpose of why we make the effort to meet each month. Here’s what our circle had to say to us:
Stretch and fold
A spiritual shower
of inspiration and energy
falling
in rest and replenishment
of the soul
a pause
where our only responsibility
is to stretch and fold
the agency of community
the currency of relationship
to host
wholehearted
wholeness
I’m coming out of a weekend of meetings with a facilitator who should not have called himself a facilitator. He tried to do all the work – and this is the first sign of poor practice in hosting others.
Warning signs of when you may be thwarting the people you are with:
- You do nothing to make people feel welcome. You keep your distance from start to finish. You do not help people get to know each other and warm up to the hard work ahead. When we feel connected, we work light years better.
- You make all the decisions. Discern when a decision is yours to make. If you are making all or most of the decisions, that is a sign that you are driving the agenda, leaving little room for others to engage. Are you sensitive to a balance where there is just enough structure and not too much?
- You stick to the agenda no matter what. Are you open to the needs of the group? Flexible to adjust your plan to support them on their journey? Notice how attached you are to the process you envisioned at the outset. Can you live with aiming for outcomes and respect that how to get there might be different? (And who knows, maybe the outcomes could change on you. Can you trust that the group knows if they are doing the right thing?)
- You keep notes for yourself. The flip charts you use are a visual resource for everyone. They are not your notes for later, that only you have to be able to read or discern. Don’t hide them. They are a crucial tool to confirm
- You do the organizing. Inevitably, when a group gathers to plan and organize, there are oodles of ideas to keep track of. Do you keep track of them in your head, or find visual ways for them to see and organize what they have? If you have visuals, do you do all the work, or let them?
- You work rigidly in your mode of learning. Some people need to see what is going on. Others need to hear it. Some need to work in small groups, others in large. How you make sense of things is not necessarily how others make sense of things. You are serving them, so adjust to there mode.
- You reject offers to help. When people step up to help you help them, it is an indication that they feel ownership of what is underway and they choose to engage. Your rejection not only closes you off from learning in the moment, but it puts a big chasm between you and the group.
- You ridicule those who help. This is an easy way to distance yourself from the people you work with. That paper on the wall? Useless. The illustration that broke the log-jam? Inconsequential. That document put on the screen to make sure we all understood and agreed to key wording? A distraction.
- You lose track of who’s turn it is to speak and what they’re talking about. If you are going to go to the trouble of telling someone they are next, make sure they are next. If someone is three speakers away, let them know. And remember – it is confusing to talk about more than one thing at once. Use a speaker’s list on topic.
- You do the same thing, all day long. The same process, all day is soul sucking. Mix it up. Serve others
How it turned out…
Before this guy, we had the benefit of strong process that allows us to establish foundational relationships. In the end, we made the meeting work and we had a lot of success. I so deeply appreciate the dedication and determination of our group to working well together and work forward. We overcame our nuisance facilitator.
To support and serve the people you are with – be open to learning along the way, grow antenna to enable you to see what needs to happen, and respond in the moment.
Arigato*
The thread we hold
propels
with energy easing
connection, trust
opening the inside outsight
with a flame relit
transforming intention
with a fresh faith
regenerating illumination
the task ahead is demonstrating
learning, true love
expanding insight outside
nourishing the wisdom
of growing with
open minds, open hearts, open will
willingly showing
hosting
alive
with bits of you in me
my soul huge
huge magical humility
as the highest in me
meets the hightest in you
reverberating renewed superheroes
pledging presence, soft support
witnessing more
shoulders to stand on
to stand with, deep gladness
meeting the world’s deep needs
with love and fear
with trust
with ba
*
* Thank you, in Japanese
_____ _____ _____
A harvest from Day 4′s closing check out at The Art of Hosting BIG Decisions – While Looking After Self, Others and Place, earlier this month.
_____ _____ _____
The duke of purple
Imagine my surprise when
the duke of purple
struggles at every age
with deep compelling stories
wait
what?
I’ve always wanted to be with you
universally
double ding
I’m ready to go
healing family flexing
showing up for me
now I know
what I need to know
nervous aching shifting
sitting in it
sitting in it
fractally
_____ _____ _____
A harvest from Day 2′s check out at The Art of Hosting BIG Decisions – While Looking After Self, Others and Place.
_____ _____ _____
Creative knowing
shifting masks
awakening heart
an infectious energy
vulnerable without reservation
together in community
we pause
to see
each other
to slow
for clarity
for intention unfolding
to trust
uncertainty with anticipation
in a container
investing in surprise
humbly playing seriously
peacefully anticipating
slipping in
slipping out
_____ _____ ____
A harvest from Day 2′s opening check in at The Art of Hosting BIG Decisions – While Looking After Self, Others and Place. The question that got us started – what do you notice about hosting?
_____ _____ _____
Opening I’s
Curiosity grows
in learning
the highest potential in a magical vortex
learning, exploring life
long leading, pointing to
big decisions
that live local
near and far
the universe conspires
to spend time here
to feel
the messy business
of life
I’m in my shoes and others’
to risk and grow
the edge
a big decision for me may not be for others
a big decision for others may not be for me
in the confusion to come
an atmosphere of many minds
intentional knowing transitions
in play
at all times
learning by doing
we open I’s
choices, connections, contributions
love and likeness of the human condition
humility in humanity
in listening
to the flame at the center
humbly ruminating
self and other
the tension outside and inside
clearing confusion
to slow and accelerate
leaning into excitement
circling
ripe with rhythm
_____ _____ _____
A harvest from Day 1’s opening and closing circles at The Art of Hosting BIG Decisions – While Looking After Self, Others and Place.
_____ _____ _____
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